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Writer's pictureBrian Williams

It's Ok to Not be Ok




On May 7, 2020, the news rang out that Darrin Patrick, a church planter and pastor, tragically took his life. While Patrick was known for various aspects of his ministry, I remembered reading his book, Church Planter: The Man, The Message, The Mission, just a couple years before hearing this news. Upon hearing the news, my heart broke for both his family and the churches which he served. In a tribute to his life, Robby Gallaty said, “pastors are great at helping other people but often don’t know what to do when they themselves struggle.” Amen to that!


In the world of church planting, defeat and depression are common experiences. John Hindley, in an article for The Gospel Coalition wrote, “I’ve learned that depression, anxiety, and sadness are common—not abnormal—themes among church planters. And these experiences sap strength from the task we’ve been given.” While it is anecdotal evidence, Brian Jones said that “Almost every single Senior Pastor I’ve coached over the last two years have dealt with depression and burn out.” Another author asserted that “Ministry is difficult enough as it is but multiply that feeling by 1000 times, and that is the loneliness many planters feel when starting a new church.”


Our first year of church planting presented my wife Emily with some of these challenges. The newness of the move had worn off, two of the three the kids were back in school, we had moved away from our network of friends and family, and I was busy every day trying to meet people and get a new church off the ground. I could sense that something wasn’t right. My upbeat, happy, jovial wife was now struggling to care for herself and our 18-month-old baby without losing her mind. At the advice of some friends, she made an appointment with her primary doctor and they began trying to assess her situation. What they discovered was that her Vitamin D levels were extremely low. We lived in an apartment in the snow belt of Western New York and this southern girl who had now not seen the sun in quite some time, was suffering as a result. While her case was treated with some vitamin supplements, it helped us to realize the fact that serving in this capacity was often an open invitation to loneliness, depression, and defeat.


The problem with issues such as this is that many refuse to ask anyone for help. I get it. It’s embarrassing and it’s frustrating. Servants of Christ are not supposed to feel this way. Or at least, that is what we are often told or led to believe. How can we establish a church and help people when we can’t even help ourselves? How do I hold it all together when I am falling apart on the inside? These questions are likely more prevalent that one would often think but they are real, nonetheless. Let me share some practical things for your consideration.


First of all, stop beating yourself up for having these feelings. You are not alone, and you are not the only one to ever struggle in this way, although it probably feels like it at the time. Two of the Lord’s greatest servants in the Old Testament wrestled with feeling depressed, isolated, and defeated. Elijah went to the point of wishing that his life was over, and David expressed his deepest, heart-wrenching thoughts often in the Psalms.


Secondly, it is imperative that you have a means of expressing these thoughts. Whether it’s a counselor or a good friend, church planters need an outlet and someone with whom they can be vulnerable. Unfortunately, whether it’s because of a façade that we are trying to protect, or the fear that our network or sending agency may respond in a negative way, there is often a hesitancy to seek out the help or support that is needed. In those early years of church planting, I had two or three such individuals on speed dial. I’m sure they often grew tired of hearing from me. They were a lifesaver to me, however, and helped me to process my thoughts and feelings just by being on the other end of the call.


Thirdly, it is important that you take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and spiritually. According to SoulShepherding, 75% of pastors report being “extremely stressed” or “highly stressed,” 90% work between 55 to 75 hours per week, and 90% feel fatigued and worn out every week. Church planters are often working late into the night and carrying burdens that few would understand. Make sure that you are getting enough sleep, make some time for exercise, and eat at least one good balanced meal daily. While I am no expert on physical health, I can tell when my body is worn down and unable to function most effectively. It leaves me in a vulnerable place and it may affect you in the very same way.


Is it time to see a counselor for your emotional health? You may not know the answer to that question but I’m certain that your wife, your coach, or your best friend could answer it for you. According to a report from the Barna Group, “nearly one in five Protestant senior pastors in the U.S. (18%) say they have contemplated self-harm or suicide within the past year.” Don’t wait until it reaches this point to start caring for your mental health needs.


What are the spiritual disciplines in which you are engaging? Are you in the Scriptures daily but not just for the preparation of the next sermon? Spiritually, we all need the nourishment of the Scriptures. Are you listening to the sermons or podcasts of other pastors? Are you journaling your thoughts through this process? What does your prayer life look like right now? Have you read any good books recently that fed your soul? Just as we need to take care of ourselves physically, we must be taking care of ourselves spiritually.


Finally, let me just add that if you are feeling that sense of helplessness and/or entertaining the thoughts of suicide, please reach out to someone. Call the Suicide Helpline (988) or call a friend whom you can trust. Don’t succumb to the weight of the pressures upon you. There is hope. You are making a difference. You matter. You are loved.


What ways have you found that have helped you cope with thee challenges of church planting? Share them in the comments section and let's help one another.

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